I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
