He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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