1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
