im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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