Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
