Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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