He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
