he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
