About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
