yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
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Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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