if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
