Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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