My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
