we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
