The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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