Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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