I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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