Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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