I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
