I smell stomach acid.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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