We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
