What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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