I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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