i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
