the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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