are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
