you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
