There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
