And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
