Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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