Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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