who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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