I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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