he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
