If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
