I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
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We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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