she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
