He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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