Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
