sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
