I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
