Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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