I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
