He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
And then he peed in my hair
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