Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
