I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
