Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
