They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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