I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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