Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
