I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
