Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
