i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She made me pour olive oil on her.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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