I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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