i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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