talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
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ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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