Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In other news, I just burned my penis
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
