I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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