Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
