if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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