I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
