He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
