you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
