guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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