For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
