I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
