I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
