All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
