dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
