It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
