I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
