i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
