he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
