The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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