toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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