its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
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Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
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He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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