I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
