Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
