Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
