I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
