This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
