My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
