oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
