I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
