i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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