i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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