i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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