Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
