bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
